I have absolutely no idea why reasonable and intelligent people turn into utter morons when it comes to commuting by train. These people who are silly, selfish, boorish, idiotic, and completely without compassion. I see it everyday when I travel between Woking and Guildford (and vice versa).
There are the loiterers – people who aren’t going to work. They hang around outside the station getting in people’s way, or if they are travelling, they stand in the most awkward places guaranteed to get in your way when everybody else is going in the opposite direction.
First class? First ARSE, more like!
Then you have the zombies – these people are glued to their book, smartphone, tablet, whatever. They rarely look up even walking along the platform having just stepped off the train. You have to avoid them at all costs otherwise you’ll be knocked to the ground. It’s a bit like playing a game of human Tetris. They usually have (big) headphones on as well to block out their entire environment because it’s all just too, too horrible to interact with fellow human beings.
The fogeys (closely related to the loiterers) – not necessarily old, but they do like a good old dodder. They have no intention of rushing anywhere. They’re usually young, carefree and can’t be bothered to move any faster than a snail. They walk up the stairs at an agonising pace, then maneuver slowly to the best possible blocking position, then walk back down the other stairs at an equally ridiculously slow speed.
On the train itself, you’ll find the sentient handbag brigade. Mainly found during peak times, these people love putting their bags on the seats next to them to stop another human being having any ounce of comfort during their journeys to and from work. Their bags must have all the comfort in the world away from that awful thing they call a floor. Therefore the bags must be sentient, or at least, pet-like. The floor (or overhead area) is far too good for their precious little cargo.
And finally, we have the aisle-anders. Again, found mainly during peak times, these people have an irrational fear of windows. Why else would you not choose a window seat if there are a pair of seats free and the carriage is filling up fast? That, or these people fear that they’ll miss their stop because the train is so full (mainly because of fellow aisle-anders and sentient handbaggers using up all the seats and other people are too afraid to confront them, thereby “forcing” other people to stand to avoid seat rage).
